


The Promise

by DiYunho



Category: DCU, DCU (Comics), Joker - Fandom, Suicide Squad (2016), The Joker - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Denial of Feelings, Domestic Fluff, Drama, F/M, Family, Family Bonding, Family Drama, Family Feels, Family Issues, Feelings, Feelings Realization, Feels, Fluff and Angst, Heavy Angst, Joker - Freeform, Joker Jared Leto - Freeform, Joker suicide squad, Love, Post-Suicide Squad (2016), The Joker - Freeform, The Joker Jared Leto, The Joker Suicide Squad, The Joker fanfiction, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-04
Updated: 2018-08-04
Packaged: 2019-06-21 12:40:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15557892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DiYunho/pseuds/DiYunho
Summary: The Joker never saw it coming; he left his guard down for a moment and it all went to pieces. Nothing to hold on to now except his son and the memory of you. But maybe there is something else that won’t let him go either…





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> You can follow me on Tumblr under the same blog name: DiYunho.

“Would you like me to tell you where her body is?” the voice taunts as soon as The Joker answers his cell.

“You…you son of a bitch!! I’m gonna kill you!!” he gulps, his hand shaking on the phone.

“I don’t care, I had my revenge; that’s all I wanted. You took someone I loved away from me and it’s only fair I returned the favor,” the man replies. “Do you even care? Does it hurt you?… Does anything ever hurt you?”

“Shut the hell up!! Where is she?” J closes his eyes, panting.

“The new construction site on Nesley Avenue. Fourth floor. I left her eyes open: you’ll have the privilege of closing them forever. Be grateful: I wasn’t allowed the luxury of doing the same for my woman. I’m here too, waiting. Do your worst, I won’t stop you. I have nothing to live for now.”

The man hangs up and The Joker sits in the middle of the living room, still holding the cell to his ear. He can’t move, he can’t think. For the first time in his life he’s terrified – The King of Gotham knows his Queen is gone.

**************

The heavy steps resonate on the concrete hallway, the plastic curtains being moved aside as J is getting closer to his destination. He feels dizzy while squeezing the gun in his hand, petrified at the thought of what he knows he will certainly find in the building. Another plastic curtain gets moves out the way and The Joker freezes when he notices your body on the floor, only a few feet away.

He takes a deep breath, already incapable of keeping at bay the terrible pain scratching at his heart.

“Jesus…” he mutters to himself, slowly approaching. He sees your handcuffed wrists and ankles, the glossy eyes blankly staring at the ceiling. You seem so peaceful he hopes for a second you’re not dead. A fool’s hope; J knows it himself. He kneels by you, analyzing every single detail of your body, sniffling when he realizes you still have the ring. And The Joker is aware there’s someone behind him.

“I think you had a pretty woman, Clown. More than you deserved, that’s for sure,” the man softly laughs.

The Price of Crime growls, every single fiber in his body tense to the maximum.

“At least I didn’t take it on your kid, I’m not that low. I have to say it gave me great pleasure to do this to her. Revenge is always swee…”

The first gunshot hits the man’s chest. Then another one and another one echo in the stillness. J gets up, turns around and continues to aim at the collapsed man until there are no more bullets. His pupils are dilated, taken aback by today’s events.

The Joker can’t bring himself to gaze upon you again. He glares at your killer, numbness taking over. What is he supposed to do now?

**************

J wasn’t used to people smiling or look him in the eyes, especially not when they first met him. But you did just that. The other guys at the gathering tried to get your attention, asking a million questions and offering a great deal of money for your hacking services yet you caught yourself interested in the strange, green haired self-proclaimed King of Gotham.

You continued smiling and looking at him throughout the night; J found it annoying that he actually chuckled at one of your jokes. His fingers tightened on the cane numerous times, fighting with himself while checking you out. He didn’t want to but for some bizarre reason couldn’t help it.

The Joker remained stern, frowning for the rest of the evening, totally hating the fact that you stopped in front of him to say goodbye. You were the last one to leave the VIP room and you reached your hand for his, unaware he never shakes hands. Frost was behind his boss, getting ready to tell you how things work when the unthinkable happened: Mister J took your palm into his for just a second, snarling as you told him you’ll have the passwords he wanted first thing in the morning.

“Yeah, whatever. That works,” he bitterly replied, preoccupied by what was going on in the club.

He kept on needing your services and you kept on providing them. He even let you touch him when he came back from a heist with an ugly cut on his shoulder. Frost almost started his speech about how his boss doesn’t like to be touched when J willingly gave you his arm to be patched up. You sent Jonny for more supplies and carefully cleaned the wound in the meantime, gently blowing on top of it.

“Better?” you asked, soothing the pain and he bit on his cheek.

“Yeah.”

That’s all he said. Then you smiled. Why did you have to smile like that? Made him feel so odd. And you kept on looking at him, unable to resist those blue eyes. J didn’t see it coming when you leaned over and kissed him, quickly parting from his lips when you heard Frost outside the office. You weren’t sure what he was going to do.

The Joker didn’t do anything, pretending nothing happened. You couldn’t sleep all night, thinking about him and trying to get the stupid crush out of your mind. 

– It was almost dawn when you managed to doze off and the doorbell made you jump. You rubbed your eyes, tired as hell and barely made it to the door, ready to yell at the person that woke you up so early. As soon as you opened the door, J sneaked inside without a word. He stood in front of you, pointing towards his injury.

“Do you…need clean bandages?” you guessed, suddenly alert.

“U-hum,” he grumbled and after closing the door, you signaled him to follow you in the kitchen. You changed the dressing in perfect silence, then handed back his jacket and watched him head towards one of the bedrooms downstairs.

You followed him, curious about his behavior.

He stopped in front of the bed, waiting.

“Would you like to stay?” the question came and his answer made you happy.

“Yeah.”

*************

– You had so many fights and you would just disappear. The Joker always brought you back. The truth is you didn’t make it hard to be found. He knew it too.

“Let’s go,” J would urge, irritated he had to step on his pride again in order to go out there and search for the pain in the ass he couldn’t live without.

“I’m leaving you,” you had the nerve to reply sometimes. “I’m not coming back.”

“Interesting concept, Y/N,” and you stared at each other, you upset and him mad. As soon as you started to cry, he would grab your hand, dragging you after him. You didn’t fight it.

“O-one of these days I w-won’t come b-back,” you stuttered, bawling and wishing you were that strong.

“Save it for later, Doll. You will always come back.”

– Besides the fights, there were also good moments; you enjoyed them so much. Those instances made you remember why you loved him and why it was impossible to break free.

You two liked to stay in bed for hours, talking about stuff. All alone in the Penthouse and still covered your heads with the sheets, whispering. The Joker was addicted to the intimacy of your little world, secrets and thoughts no one knew about.

“If you leave, promise you’ll always come back,” he once found the strength to actually say it out loud.

“I can’t prom…” and the blue eyes got darker. “Fine, I promise,” you gave in and he tucked your hair behind your ear, pleased to hear it. Afterwards, he dug under his pillow and showed you that beautiful diamond ring he wanted you to have.

“Look what I found in the seif last night! Stealing from the mayor was the best idea ever; the guy is loaded.”

“Wowww, no kidding,” you gasped, amazed. You’ve seen a lot of diamond rings in your life but that was so unique and beautiful.

“I’ll give it to you for safe keeping, OK? I don’t trust all these assholes working for us,” The Joker sighted, slipping the jewel on your finger. He saw the emotions and had to mention:

“It’s not what you think, you crazy woman. I told you I just want you to take care of it, got it?”

“Yes,” you nodded, choosing to believe otherwise.

“You can keep it with one condition: promise you’ll never take it off,” The Joker surprised himself with the demand.

“I swear,” you were quick to vow, hugging him so tight he had to emerge from under the sheets to breathe better.

“I told you it’s not what you think, I wanna make it clear,” and you smiled through tears and he couldn’t say anything anymore.

Why did you have to smile like that?

– After your son was born, he became a regular member of your little club.

All three under the sheets, careful not to wake Kase up.

“You think we should keep him?” J used to tease, not being able to take his eyes off his baby boy.

“I think he’s a keeper,” you giggled, caressing the tiny tummy. “He will either look like you or like his real dad,” and you had to cover your mouth so you won’t laugh to loud.

“Cut it out!” J would reach over to slap your waist, grinding his silver teeth. ”Or do you hate me that much?”

You used to trap his hand until he calmed down.

“I don’t hate you,” and you got on your elbow and scooted closer to his body. “You gave me my son so I can’t hate you now.” The statement made The Joker’s heart beat faster and he ignore it. The most he allowed himself to do was purr under your touch until he fell asleep.

– When things were bad, you would take Kase and try to leave. J would stop you before you made it to the elevator.

“Going anywhere?”

You were so exhausted from being a new mom plus dealing with your rocky relationship.

“I need to get out of here,” you tried to flee but he blocked your way.

“Then go, but my son stays!”

“I am not leaving without my baby,” you kept on attempting to walk towards the elevator and got frustrated when your plan failed.

“Then you stay too,” he would mumble, pinning you against the wall. “What is it? Can’t handle me anymore?” he used to mock, distressed.

Kase would fuss, not happy with the commotion.

“Gimme,” The Joker would take him in his arms, gesturing for your company. “Let’s go back to bed, I’m tired. Hey, where’s my smile, hm?” and you sulked even more. “ So I take it you only save that for his dad? Who’s the other guy?”

You would pass your fingers through your long hair, trying not to give him the satisfaction but finally smiled and he loved to win. But somehow it felt he was losing.

Why did you have to smile like that?

**************

He hears the little steps thumping on the hardwood floor and gets out of daze, lifting his head up to look at his 5 year old son holding his stuffed giraffe.

“Daddy, why are you crying?” Kase asks, frightened and his father signs for him to approach. The Joker is sitting on the floor and the little boy rushes in his arms, starting to sob, not understanding what’s going on.

“Your mom…” and his voice breaks, “…left me and she’s not coming back…Not this time…You’re stuck with me, kid.”

“Where’s mommy? I want my mommy,” the child keeps on repeating, sensing there is something wrong.

“She left…It’s just you and me now,” J mumbles, crushing his son with his embrace.

************

He said he stole that ring from the mayor’s mansion. The King of Gotham actually had it custom made for you and never told you. It always had just one owner: his Queen. Before he buried you, J took three diamonds out of your ring, one for each member of his family, and had them encased in his favorite ring. It’s the only jewelry he wears now. And the ring he gifted you was the only treasure in your coffin since you promised you’ll never take it off.

– “Hey, handsome.”

He feels the kiss on his cheek and opens his eyes as he mutters:

“Hey pretty girl.”

Another dream; he’s all alone in bed, groggy from the sleep medicine. J sighs, then shifts his head to peek at Kase who’s playing on the floor with a bunch of toys, not realizing his father is awake. The Joker gets under the covers, eager to share his thoughts but there is no one besides him. No one to tell.

“Kid, com’ere,” he makes a gap for his son to crawl in. The boy snickers and jumps in bed, glad he’s getting some attention. “Do you have any secrets to share with your dad?” J pecks his forehead, gazing in his son’s eyes.

“Ummm…I broke my truck,” he admits, familiar with the game he played so many times with his parents.

“Shame on you,” J scolds but caresses Kase’s face. “I’ll get you 10 more, ok?”

Ah, that smile. Just like yours.

“Ok, daddy,” and the child suddenly cuddles to J’s chest, wiggling. “Mommy says she loves you.”

The Prince of Crime gently spanks his kid, admonishing.

“I told you to quit talking like this! Don’t you listen?! Uhhhhh,” he growls, exasperated. The little boy keeps on saying random things like this since you died three months ago.

“But she gets mad at me if I don’t tell you,” and his lower lip quivers, on the verge of crying. “I don’t want mommy to be upset with me.”

“You’re such a brat! Stop tormenting me,” J squishes his son to his chest, not wanting to lose his temper.

“Mommy says that…”

“Shut up, would you??!!” he snaps and Kase is one step away from bawling.

“Mommy says that…”

“You’re pissing me off, what’s wrong with you??!!” J cuts him off, really straining to keep it together.

“Mommy says she knows you made the ring for her!” his son blurs out and The Joker holds his breath, confused and stunned at the same time.

“W-what?” He’s finally at a loss of words.

Nobody knows about that.

Kase starts wailing and his father wants to calm him down.

“M-mommy says she doesn’t like it w-when you y-yell at me,” he whimpers, clenching to J’s t-shirt.

For once, the great Joker has no reply.

– Terrible storm outside; Gotham is on lockdown. Must be 2am or so.

“Daddy… daddy, I’m scared,” his son pulls on his arm, eager to get a reaction. J is such a heavy sleeper now since he takes sleeping pills all the time. Otherwise, he can’t rest.

“Go back to your room, it’s fine,” he grumbles, not in the mood for parenting.

The little one sniffles, really wanting to stay with his father.

“I want my mooommyyyyy,” and the crying immediately starts. The Joker blows his green hair off his face, irritated and moves towards the center of the bed, helping his son up. The little arms wrap around his neck and the small body shakes with anxiety.

“Daddddyyy, I’m scared.”

“Don’t be scared, I’m here,” J choses to take it down a notch and hugs his son back. It feels so comforting that Kase stops crying after a few minutes.

“Mommy says she loves you,” the muffled voice at his chest lets him know. “She always says that.”

“Cut it out, kid…”

“Huh?” his son turns his head to look behind him, just as he was listening to someone talking.

J pouts, forcing Kase’s head back to his chest.

“Stop your nonsense, brat!”

“Mommy says she promised you she’ll always come back.”

The Joker covers his mouth.

“SHUT …THE HELL UP!!!!!!” he screams so loud it resonates over the sound of thunder from the crazy tempest outside.

His 5 year old utters with teary eyes:

“Mommy says she doesn’t like it when you yell at me; she loves you less… But she can’t hate you.”

The King of Gotham bites on his lower lip, intrigued.

Nobody knows about that.

“Go to sleep and stop talking…” he remorsefully strokes his son’s cheek, not wanting to think about it. “Hey, would you give Daddy a smile?” he alleviates the tension, aware the poor kid has no fault in anything. “Let’s be friends again, yes?” The lighting illuminates the bedroom as The Joker lifts his son’s chin up and a shy smile flourishes on the child’s face.

Why does he have to smile like that?


	2. Chapter 2

“You’re my prisoner for the night,” you would hold his hands above his head. “I’m not gonna let you go anywhere,” and you kissed his neck painfully slow.

“I don’t wanna go anywhere,” J would growl, admitting to the truth. “Unless Kase wakes up, crying…but we can always start all over, hm?”

“Ohhh, I don’t mind that,” you whispered in his ear and backed up on top of him just enough to take your lacy nightgown off. “Don’t look at my stretchmarks, ok?” you used to plead, self-conscious about them.

“ Stretchmarks? Nahhhh…” J would trace them on your tummy. “These are battle wounds, Y/N. And you’ve clearly won the battle: we have a very cute baby.”

“He is cute, huh?” you would giggle, tossing the garment somewhere behind you.

“Yeah, thanks to me,” The Joker used to taunt, pinching your thigh. “Obviously.”

“Are you calling me ugly?” you frowned, slapping his chest.

“Nope… you’re a very pretty girl, but don’t tell anybody. I don’t want someone to steal you away.”

“Wow, did you just say that loud?” you let your head fall on his shoulder, laughing.

“No, I didn’t,” The Joker would pucker his lips, antagonized he actually uttered such words. “You’re hearing things, Y/N.”

“Probably; I’m getting old,” and you reached over to kiss him, smiling.

That smile of yours…

“Daddy, daddy…” the shy voice wakes him up. “Daddy, you’re talking in your sleep,” his son touches his arm, placing a small plate on the side of the bed.

J blinks, reality settling in. Sometimes he doesn’t want to wake up. At all. He wants to dream about you, uninterrupted; at least that.

“Hey, kid…,” he moves up on the pillows, yawning.

“I made you breakfast,” Kase shows him the plate with some burned toast and a bit of grape jelly on top.

“That’s nice…” The Joker sighs. “Did you eat?”

“U-hum, Frosty brought a lot of food over.”

He always does. All the henchmen take turns to make sure nothing is missing from the penthouse. They are a bunch of jerks, but they know the kid needs food and J told them to take care of it so they obey. Their boss is out of it, even more than before; God knows for how long, and they all feel they are walking on eggshells. The King of Gotham is lost since you were murdered 4 months ago.

He has no idea on how to be a parent on his own. You were the one that seemed to know more than him about that kind of stuff. He is just… somehow winging it. And it makes him even more enraged since you are not there to help. It’s not that he is neglecting his child; it’s more like he is trying to ignore him. Why? Because Kase reminds The Joker of you. He struggles with his demons so much there is no room for too much more.

“You like it?” the boy inquires with big eyes, nervous to hear the reply.

“It’s so good,” J sadly smiles taking a bite of the extra crunchy bread. “I don’t remember having such a perfect breakfast in a while.”

Kase snickers and bites on his nails, watching his father munch on that “yummy” food he made.

“Mommy says I have to take care of you; you don’t eat enough.”

The Joker can’t swallow that last bite.

“Please stop talking like this, yes?” he messes his son’s hair, frowning.

“Daddy…” the little one hesitantly gets up on the bed, sitting on J’s knees. “Are you going to say it?”

“Say what?”

“Happy Birthday,” Kase sulks, sliding up his father’s knees even more. “It’s my birthday today.”

“Shit,” J closes his eyes, tossing the plate on the night stand.

He completely forgot. Definitely not winning the Father of The Year award.

“Happy Birthday, kid!” he pulls the boy in his arms and kisses his temple. “How old are you now?”

“Six,” the quiet answer is fast to follow.

“That’s right, I knew that. You’re growing so fast… Your mom would have…” and he stops, sensing that ache biting at his chest, sharp blades cutting through his heart. A deep breath, then silence for a few seconds. “Anyway, we’ll do something, alright? And I will get you anything you want.”

Kase gasps, suddenly full of energy.

“Really?! Really daddy?”

“Yes, we’ll both take a shower and get ready, then we can go.”

“Yayy!!! Yayyyyy!!!! “ the kid leaves his father’s lap, jumping up and down on the bed.

J finds himself smirking, immersed in his child’s excited outburst.

“Thank you, daddy! You’re the best!!!” he shouts, gives The Joker a kiss on the cheek and runs screaming towards the master bathroom.

You’re the best… J mumbles, finally getting out of bed. What does that even mean?…

He’s been moping around for so long he finds it hard to get ready and leave the penthouse. As he takes a shower and his son is in the other bathtub taking a bath, he seriously contemplates cancelling the birthday plans. But something won’t let him.

“I’m done, daddy! I’m going to get dressed!” Kase announces and J peeks from behind the heavy shower curtain.

“I’ll be done soon too. We’ll dress the same, OK?”

“Hooraaaayyy!!!!” J hears the door being slammed and stomping up the staircase.

The two of them have a lot of matching outfits. Since today is a special day, might as well wear one.

– You would get so emotional when you saw both wearing identical clothes.

“Look at my handsome boys! If I die right now, I would die happy,” and you got teary, making The Joker roll his eyes.

“So much drama for nothing, Princess.”

Kase would cover his mouth with his hands, giggling when his father winked at him, grinning at your silly reaction.

“What would you know about that?” you sniffled, wiping your eyes, feeling so overwhelmed when J squeezed you in his arms, kissing you so you would shut up.

“I know enough,“ he would purr in your ear. “Want me to prove it tonight, after the kid goes to sleep?” the low tone unexpectedly got you all lightheaded.

“Yes, prove it, “you breathed on his lips and Kase would run over, pulling on your dress.

“Mommy, I want a kiss too!”

J grunts at the painful memory as he buttons up his son’s purple shirt.

“Does something hurt, daddy?” the little boy asks, seeing the painful grimace on The Joker’s face.

“No, nothing…” and he gets up, being done with the task. “ I think we look dashing,” he distracts his boy from the real issue. Or is he distracting himself?

He notices Kase staring at him, then to his left, then back to him again. And suddenly the little one bursts into tears, crying so hard it scares The Joker.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” J bends one knee to kneel in front of his son. “What is it?” he cups his face, actually worried.

Kase keeps on staring to The Joker’s left again, not being able to quit bawling.

“No, I-I don’t wanna tell him that…” he seems to be answering to someone else’s question.

“Hey, knock it out! What’s going on, hm?”

“Mommy…” and his son takes a deep breath, whimpering and trying to talk. “Mommy says you should get a new girlfriend. She doesn’t mind; she understands. I-I…” and the crying intensifies so badly the little face gets super red. “…I don’t want another moommmyyy!!! I want MY mommy!!!” and he charges at his father’s neck, hugging him so tight it makes the Joker cringe. “P-please daaaddyyy, I don’t want another mommy!!!” Kase keeps on begging, unaware of his father’s own heartache.

J can’t move. Where is this coming from?! He wants to get mad like he usually does when his son says things like that, but it’s almost as he can’t find the strength to do it.

“Ssssttt, stop crying. You‘re not getting a new mom, alright?” The Joker surprisingly goes another route in order to calm his child’s hysterical behavior. “ Who the hell had time to even think about that?” he mutters the last sentence mostly to himself. “Hey, look at me,” he continues to caress his son’s back. “You can’t cry on your birthday, that’s the rule. Do we understand each other?”

“Y-yes…” the small body shakes in his arms, finally letting go.

“We need to clean you up now; your face is a mess. It’s ok, you’re not getting another mom, alright?”

“U-hum,” the 6 year old agrees, feeling better since his father reassured him. “You promise daddy?”

“Yeah, brat, I promise,” J is fast to answer because the strange episode needs to stop.

“Mommy says she loves you,” Kase pecks his star tattoo, sniffling, then goes inside the bathroom, turning on the water in the sink so he can wash his face.

The Joker can’t even get up yet; he feels so drained and exhausted. He can’t understand why Kase continues to talk like that. J refuses to acknowledge the obvious: that THERE IS something happening with his kid. The stuff he says sometimes…Things he couldn’t possibly know about.

“I’m done, daddy,” and that makes The King of Gotham to finally get up on his feet.

– J took his son to different toy stores owned by people he does business with. Some of them use the upfront venture for money laundering, some conduct less than legal affairs behind closed doors. No matter. Just one word from The Prince of Crime and the chosen location closes under 10 minutes. Like somebody would dare saying no to him.

Kase runs all over the place, picking toys he likes to take back to the penthouse.

“Daddy, can I have this one too?” he barely pushes the huge box with a tank inside in front of J.

“ Sure, whatever you want, as many as you want,” a bored Joker answers, absent minded. He is sitting on a lather couch, displeased with the color. The pile of toys next to him is getting bigger and bigger.

The cake resting on a glass table nearby has 6 candles waiting to be lit. J ordered Frost to bring it over here, since “Rascal’s ” is the last stop for the day. Kase takes the mini-silver jacket off, tired from all the hard work he’s been doing and crawls in his father’s lap.

“That’s it,” he huffs, bouncing his legs, impatiently eyeballing his favorite chocolate cake.

“Are you sure?” J double checks, leaning over to light up the candles.

“Yes,” he rubs his eyes, getting ready to blow the flames.

“Make a wish,” The Joker urges, wanting to head back home soon.

His son innocent request strikes a chord within J:

“I want my mommy back,” and he blows in the candles, the flickering lights dancing in frenzy before disappearing in thin air.

“Great job, kid!” he gets praised and they are both silent before the cake gets cut. Kase gets a piece and J doesn’t want any. He didn’t have anything today except that toast in the morning, yet he’s not hungry. No appetite since you’ve been gone.

“Here, Daddy,” the little boy offers a bite to his father and J nods a no.

“You eat it, I’m fine.”

“Huh?” he glances over The Joker’s shoulder, carefully listening. “Mommy says you should eat, she doesn’t like it you’re skinnier.”

“Not again…” the complaint is following the remark. “Can you take a break from this? I really don’t want to put up with your…”, J is shouting without realizing it.

“Mommy doesn’t like it when you yell at me…” Kase interrupts, startled.

“YOUR MOM IS DEAD!!! Do you hear me? SHE’S DEAD! Why are you pushing me, hm?” The Joker yanks the plate from his son’s hand, slamming it on the floor. “ Shut up! And don’t cry either! We’re going home! No toys!!!” he yanks the little hand away, furious again, incapable of controlling his temper.

The poor kid can hardly keep up with his father, trying so hard not to cry because he’s afraid J will get angrier.

“Daddy…daddy…” Kase pleads and The Joker snaps at him one more time.

“What?! What is it now?!”

“Mommy says that if you don’t stop, she’ll hate you even if she said she never will,” and tears follow while J slows down then halts. “My hand hurts,” Kase sobs and J releases his strong grip, the words making him aware of what he’s doing.

Fuck, he thinks, trying to cool down.

Why is he taking it on his kid? Probably because there is nobody else around. No you, no one else to tell what’s going on inside his head. That uncanny feeling he lost something he can never get back becomes stronger with each passing day. The restlessness is unbearable, the pain ever growing. He misses you so much it physically hurts most of the time. That’s why he finds it hard to even get out of bed. All he wants is to be left alone.

He’s a goddamned lunatic, completely gone and lost for the world, just like that old Arkham report stated. Why pretend to be something else? And yet…

He gazes at the small child without seeing anything.

“Daddy, are you mad at me?” Kase hugs his legs, getting him out of trance.

The Joker lifts his son up, carrying him in his arms towards the exit.

“No, I’m not. How’s your hand?” he grumbles, kissing the tiny fingers.

“Doesn’t hurt anymore,” the boy admits, already forgetting about it. There is nothing more he wants than his father’s attention. Since your death, J seems so far away, in his own world. Kase needs somebody to take care of him; he’s just 6. It doesn’t matter that the infamous Joker is his dad, the kid loves him regardless. To a child, his parents are the center of the universe. And right now, The Joker is the only one feeling up that space.

Certainly not winning the Father of The Year award.

“Frost will bring all the toys and the cake to the house, OK?” J makes amendments, almost out of there. “Can you…can you tell your mom not to hate me?” he suddenly articulates, mostly on a whim.

“I don’t have to, daddy. She can hear you,” Kase smiles, not crying anymore.

That smile of his…

– J got so many more presents for his son. He watched Kase open all of them, and that crazy laugh of his finally echoed in the Penthouse after so long. But when the night comes, all alone with his devils again, tossing and turning, unable to rest until he takes his sleeping pills. But they take about 15 minutes to kick in.

He’s facing your side of the bed, sensing Kase against his body behind him. His son really wanted to sleep in there and J didn’t object. He has to make up for being so out of control right on his kid’s birthday.

The Joker gets under the sheets, just like he used to when you were there, anxious to share plans and secrets with his girl but she’s not there. He whispers anyway.

“I was thinking to plan a heist in 2 months or so. What do you think? Should I go sooner? I really don’t feel like it, because I miss you…” and he brings your pillow to his chest. “I don’t feel like doing anything…”

No answer, of course.

“Daddy,” Kase stretches, half asleep, snuggling more towards his father. “Mommy says she loves you.”

“You’re just dreaming…” J extends his arm behind to hold Kase close to him, not getting pissed for once.

“She’s right there,” his son lifts his head up from the pillows, eyes almost closed, pointing towards your usual spot. “Can’t you see her?” and the little one sighs, falling asleep again.

“No, I can’t see anything, “ he answers, smelling your perfume on the fabric. J always freshens up the scent from the tiny vial you kept on the night stand.

The eyelids are getting heavy, the medicine reacting in his body.

He feels a tender pressure on his lips, just like a soft kiss.

“Hey, handsome,” he hears your voice.

“Hey pretty girl,” he mutters, waking up for a moment.

He opens his eyes, so used to dream about you and losing the connection. The Joker shifts so he can wrap his arms around Kase, almost dozing off again.

“Tell your dad I love him,” he faintly discerns. “ Honey, wake up. Tell your dad I love him.”

Kase yawns, gently shaking his father.

“Daddy…mommy says she loves you.”

“I know, I heard it,” he replies, not realizing what he’s saying. The medication is strong, makes one totally out of it. “Tell her I love her too.”

“She can hear you, dad,” his son repositions himself in his father’s arms, tired since he keeps on being woken up.

“That’s good, I want her to know…” and the last trace of consciousness is lost, enslaved by the effects of the medicine.

“She knows,” his son buries his face in J’s t-shirt, even if his dad can’t hear him anymore.“And she says she’ll always come back because she promised.”


End file.
